Please don't leave me!

Monday, Feb. 03, 2003

Friday night at the b-ball game I was wearing a bright red shirt, so I was standing out just a little. We were on the South side of the gym and the band was on the North side. Because I am a white girl I have problems with rhythms so when ever the band would play a song where the audience would clap along I would always watch his hands (directing) so that I wouldn't get off the beat. That's how he caught me the first time. Then I would periodicly look over at him just to look (!) and he would be looking directly at me. He would look for a few seconds, smile and then look away.

Saturday night, b-ball game again. The drunk guys were pissing us off so at half time we moved. We were now sitting one section over from the band. So Suitie nudges me and says "look at your man in a couple seconds." I nod my head and pretend to look at someone at the other end of the gym and turn to her and laugh. Then I look at him and he's looking right at me. Eye contact. Nothing. I panic. I smile, I look away. I couldn't do it. But I caught him looking at me about three times and he caught me like twice.

It was funny. In a way that Sheree would find hysterical. He was at the recital that I had to go to yesterday. With his wife. She was sitting with a couple of the other professors, just about four seats from where Suitie, Roomie and I were. He walked in the door and saw me sitting there and the color drained from his face. He walked directly past me and only nodded at Suitie. (She takes his class, I don't otherwise he probably would have said something.) So at one point during the ricital I turned to Suitie (she was sitting closest to him) and told her something about the upcoming piece and he was looking towards us, at the moment I looked at him he looked at me there was a split second of eye contact and then he looked away so fast I thought his neck would snap.

I don't want to sound like I think I'm the most beautiful girl on the planet and guys are always checking me out, because I really don't think I'm all that pretty. And it's not just this weekend with him. All last week. I am a very dense person and Suitie is very good at reading people. She was talking to him in the hallway the other day and I was supposed to meet her so I walked up to them and he looked over and smiled and she said that she'd see him later and we started to walk away and he (according to her) gives me a once over before saying goodbye. I wish I totally believed her. I want to, because Ilike the fact that he would want me. But I don't want to because it's so taboo. I don't want to be a homewrecker. I don't want to ruin a marriage. Suitie says that if things were perfect at home that he wouldn't be giving me so much attention. I think he's just returning the attention that I'm giving him. I'll never understand men. . .

I have to practice.

When my inside's out. stopped here at 2:29 p.m.

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