Please don't leave me!

Hearing: "Headstrong"; Trapt
Wearing: Jammies, a blue tank and pink pants
Feeling like: Back off, I'll take you on.

Wednesday, Jan. 08, 2003

I'm working on it. Saw him once today. He's tired. Wanted me to come over and watch a movie while he was home. Couldn't. Wanted to, but couldn't. I think he's got me under something I call T-syndrome:

I don't really want him, I just want him to want me.

For one I would love to turn someone down, I want to reject someone the way that I've been rejected.

I want to hurt them the way that I've been hurt.

I want them to cry the way that I've cried and I want them to all wake up with me on their minds that way that I've woken up with them on mind.

I want them to go through their day thinking of when they'll see me next that way that I've thought of them.

All of them. I want them too feel the pain that I've felt.

The tears that I've cried.

The fish hook being pulled through the heart and through the stomach, intestines.

I want them to feel like nothing the way that I've felt like nothing.

I want them to feel worthless as a result of me the way that I felt worthless as a result of them.

I want them to feel like they're not worthy of me the way that I felt not worthy of them.

I want them to feel the hurt

pain][tears][worthlessness][helplessness][nothingness][angry].

I want it to all go away.

Brandon.

Conor.

Jim.

Matt.

Chase.

Kyle.

Chance.

Nathan.

Dustin.

Him.

I want them all to just go away. One day they will all be so sorry that they won't know how to deal with it. Their girlfriends/wives won't know what's wrong with their boyfriends/husbands and I'll know. I'll know.

"Back off, I'll take you on, headstrong to take on anyone, I know that you are wrong."

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