mind the gap

Please don't leave me!

Hearing: Black tee and jeans, big shock!
Wearing: The sex was great but. . .
Feeling like: Well fuck that and fuck us and fuck him and fuck you!

Friday, Dec. 17, 2004

Last week I made the decision to tell Will exactly how he made me feel. And I did last night, I really just let it all out. And I paused part way though and he said "Okay?" I kept going and when I finished he said "Is that it?" like are you done yet? You fucking piece of shit! Why the hell am I wasting all this energy on you? This is pointless. You don't deserve me. You don't deserve Erica. You don't deserve anyone. All I ever did was care about you and love you and you treated me like shit. You don't deserve my friendship! You don't even deserve your family. They are way too good for you! Bastard. I'm sorry I ever introduced you to my friends, my family and that I ever let you into my life. But now I know that I can't really trust people, espcially men. That nine times out of ten people will get what they need from you and drop you as fast as they can. . . needless to say, it was a bad night. So. . .
I did something last night that I've never done before. I drank by myself. I polished off a fourth of a bottle of raspberry vodka and an entire bottle of wine by myself. Not a good idea. While I was drinking the wine (straight from the bottle, pure class) I packed up my stuff for today. Then I walked into my room (the door falls shut automatically) and as I was leaving (enter cheesey music) my eyes fell upon a picture of Will and I that was hanging on my board. Then came the water works. I ripped the picture down and tore it into little pieces, then I called Nieve and cried for about thirty minutes or so. Dustin showed up and took care of me.
I'm going home in less than an hour and I can't wait. I'm leaving everything that happened this semester and this summer behind. Will, I wish you nothing but the best, but my immaturity wishes that one day you'll meet a girl that will treat you with the same love and respect that you've treated me with!

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mind the gap