Please don't leave me!

Monday, Feb. 24, 2003

I want him. I know that if I do something wrong he will get over me so fast. He was there tonight. Looking at me while his wife was less than five feet away. Watching me get all sweaty. Seeing me looking like shit. He knew that I couldn't hide behind my pretty face because when he saw me I didn't have a pretty face. I didn't have any make-up on. I wasn't prancing around in a cute little outfit that I conjured up for him. I don't have him wrapped around my finger like I want. He's in control and he knows it. He knows that I want him. He knows that I want it and that I'm too scared to do anything about it. He knows that all he has to do is look at me the right way and I'll melt. I'll just melt. He knows that I'll come back here and tell Suitie everything. I'll come back and gush about every move he made and ever look he shot. I hate that! I can't stop either. When I see him I flirt, I look at him and I smile and he knows what I'm thinking. And I can't stop.

But I don't really want to. I like the feeling of him watching me as I walk down the hall. I like the fact that he looks out his door when he hears my voice. I like it when he says hi to me even though I don't take any of his classes. I like it. Why do I always want these people who are so out of reach? I'm cursed!

With my head on the floor stopped here at 11:07 p.m.

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