Please don't leave me!
Hearing: "There is" Box Car RacerWearing: Jammies
Feeling like: I've given a lot of thought on this thirteen hour drive
Saturday, Feb. 22, 2003
So at about 2:30 this afternoon Suitie calls and says her parents are worried about us driving back to school tomorrow in the snow. So that's right kids. We left today. No going to church to see everyone. No birthday dinner with the family as planned. Instead I got some unwrapped books from my parents and a note from my sister saying that she bought me "Oklahoma" and "Fiddler on the Roof" on DVD and she just ordered them a week ago and will send them to me when they come in. How's that for a birthday? I hate to complain. I don't even like birthdays. At least that's what I tell myself, then I'm not disappointed when everyone forgets. I shouldn't be so whiney, I really shouldn't, I'm acting like a two year old.And I don't have these rants very often but I am so lonely! I am so sick of going to class every day and seeing December and February (February: Junior, Tenor, Very sexy, good dresser, attached, the usual) take their good long looks at me and nothing ever happens! I want to just say fuck it, I'm asexual, but it's not that easy. I have these emotions that I can't control and i just get so mad at myself when I don't have control! I hate it! Why can't I have control? Suitie keeps saying that I need to just let go sometimes and let others take the wheel, but if I let others take the wheel, we might crash and in the back of my mind I'll think "I wouldn't have crashed."
I love the chorus to "There Is" by Box Car Racer: "do you care if i don't know what to say
will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
will i shake this off pretend its all okay
that there someone out there who feels just like me
there is"
