mind the gap

Please don't leave me!

Hearing: "Porcelain"; Moby
Wearing: Old navy tee and blue heathered panties
Feeling like: Chugging this vodka tonic in front of me and smoking (another) cigarette all while slashing my leg open in a new place.

Thursday, Jan. 27, 2005

In the van on the way back tonight one of the girls was bitching about her boyfriend and I thought I was going to slap her. Yeah, it must be real rough having someone to talk to about everything. It must suck horribly to have someone to hold you when ever you want. It must be so hard having someone that you kiss or just be with whenever you want. And there it was: Will. For a short time I had someone to talk to everything, to hold, to kiss, to just be with.
I hate so much that he's back on my mind. The other night Isaac came over (Oh yeah, forgot to put that in! Isaac came over the other night and held me for a while. I told him he made my week.) and wanted to watch Spiderman 2. It was in for twenty minutes and I told him he could borrow it, but I just couldn't watch it. So I ask, is this normal it's been almost six months and I'm still hurting, still getting angry at him and still wanting to hurt myself (emotionally and physically) over him.
Tomorrow night Dustin and I were going to have a pseudo girls night and do mani's, pedi's, and facials. But he's going out with Greg. I almost slapped him. Big surprise, his "something better" came back into his life and I'm out.
More than anything right now I need Nieve, but I know I can't call her or Sara. I think what sucks the most is that I don't think Nieve will ever truly need me again. I think what she and I had has now been transferred to her and Will.
On an up side, I ran into Kyle from high school and he told me almost three time how amazing I looked and yesterday Taylor told me I looked better ever semester. You would think that would make me feel better. I cried both times.

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mind the gap