Please don't leave me!

Monday, Sept. 30, 2002

Saturday was a disaster. I got up about 1100 and Adrienne asked me if I would like to go to the homecoming dance with one of her boyfriends friends. He was in town for the weekend and was going to go to the dance with Adrienne and Adam if he could find a date. I told her no, because, I don't do dances (example: Josh asked me to go to a club with him so we could get our groove on, I don't have a groove)I just don't. So at about 100 she comes back and tells me she wants me to meet Travis. And Travis was nice and kind of cute (not my type, but cute) and very congenieal. He sat around and was very interested in knowing about me. So I talked to him. Then him and Adrienne left, but he didn't leave with out saying "nice to meet you" and gave me a very suggestive hug. She came back and asked me what I thought of him, and I told her that I really wasn't interested in him but he was nice. And she said that he was crushing on me, HARD. I was like the guy's known me for an hour! How can he like me so much so fast? So we had decided that we were going bowling for the night, because it was Rock n Bowl, we have to go! It's becoming a ritual. And I invited Adre, Adam, and Travis to come along. They did and he kept touching me, like massaging my back or trying to help me with my "form" I was like whoa buddy. And I got a bit bitchy. They Adre asked me to talk to him and I told her that he was pushing the phisical stuff real hard and it was too fast, and the truth is I'm just not ready after Nathan. I'm just afraid that I'm going to hurt someone again.

So now I'm crushing on Dustin. He's nice to me and I really like him. He's just a really nice guy, you know? But he's not dating right now and he says he wants to transfer to UNC next fall. That makes it sound like I want long term, I don't.

And then they'res my girls. I feel like they're keeping something from me. Like they have all these secrets. We tell eachother everything. What are they keeping from me? Am I losing my best friends? Maybe we just need some time apart. But we haven't been hanging out that much. I don't know what's going on. And Nev keeps saying that we're always at her house and she needs some alone time, which she refers to as "vacation", and I don't feel like we've been there much at all. But maybe they're all getting together without me. Maybe they're trying to get rid of me.

I have my Theory Final(It's a seven week class) on Friday and my Recital. I'm feeling okay about the recital but the theory exam is freaking me out, that class kicks my ass!

I'll be the fire in your night stopped here at 8:44 p.m.

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