Please don't leave me!
Hearing: "The sickness" disturbedWearing: Tennis
Feeling like: Why I am the way I am
Thursday, Sept. 05, 2002
So it's been forever and we've got a lot to catch up on. Still no internet in the room but here we go. . .First off, I've moved! I was living in 1 B and am now in 3 C. I"m much happier and I like it much better thank living in jock central. I'm living directly with a music major and a minor next door and I don't know what the other girl is, she doesn't even know that I'm living there! That will be exciting.
In other news there's Nathon. Nate is like Nev's best friend in the whole world for the longest time and he's totally hot! And I really like him. But here's the good part. He thinks I'm cute.(!!!!!!!!) Me! CUTE! I can't get over it. I don't know if he likes me or not, but I really like him! I think I said that already. But any who. He sent me this gigantic E-mail about him and his fam and life and such and I sent him a really boring one about me and then he sent out this survey thing and I played with it. But now here's the clencher: It's me. I'm absolutely terrified! I really want to ask him out, like earlier today I asked him if he would teach me how to play tennis and he said he would but I saw him tonight and I freaked. Oh, and he asked Nev to go see signs with him and she said hell no b/c it freaked her out the first time and she didn't want to do it again. And I really wanted to sweetly pipe up and say "Hey Nate, I'll go with you." But did I? Hell no! I'm not that cool! What's wrong with me? I really like him. Why can't I just ask him out? Once again I say what's wrong with me? Why am I such a baby? UGh! I get so frusturated with myself. Why can't I just do it? Why? It's so simple! "Nate, do you want to go and see 'Signs'?" But no that's too much to ask of myself! Fucking pathetic, I know. I'm trying to think if there's anything else. I just don't understand myself. I have all these great intentions to you know, go after guys and then when I meet one who actually might like me back, I panic! I can't do it. I just can't. You know how when I get like this I watch "Never Been Kissed"? Yeah I've watched it like 72 times in the last day. It's bad. I don't have his number so I can't call him. I suppose I could give him mine. But no. I can't do that.
I can't
I won't
I can't
