Please don't leave me!

Hearing: "Headstrong"; Trapt
Wearing: Jeans and an LSM tee
Feeling like: This is not where you belong

Saturday, Jan. 11, 2003

"This is not where you belong" the voices screamed at me, telling me all the inner thoughts of my mind were wrong. Telling me not to go for two reasons, first because I knew I would come home itchy, watery eyed and sneezing and second because I know I belong there. I belong.

The one person I feel totally comfortable around and they are never near me because I have to go to school. The only person I feel I can tell anything to and they won't judge me by it and I can't tell them everything because somethings are not to be told. What I want to know is: Will I ever feel like this around anyone else? Will anyone else accept me the way they have? Will I ever really belong anywhere?

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Theaters are interesting. The sticky floors, the people, the candy the diet coke, the fingers touching in the popcorn and the elbows brushing on the arm rest. My knuckles going white as I grab the arm rests and I slam my eyelids together in fear at the PG movie geared towards elementary aged children. My heels grinding into the floor and pushing my back into the chair in effort to get away from the monster. My partner in crime and movie-going placing his hand over mine and telling me it is not real and it is only an animatronic spider, it is not real. Me, ashamed at my fear, embarassed at being eighteen, almost ninteen, and being afraid of a children's film. All of this is pretty beside the point though.

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