mind the gap

Please don't leave me!

Hearing: Nada
Wearing: Jammies
Feeling like: And it's full speed baby, on this roller coaster; it's the last chance street light.

Saturday, Feb. 28, 2004

This is another TMI entry but this is just something I have to get out. I did something that I shouldn't have this week. It was one of those things where you don't want to, but your body says go so you do. I made out with J. And actually it was more than that it was dry sex, for lack of a better term. And I hated it! At the moment it felt right because, well let's face it I'm a single woman and yes guys, we have needs and wants that need to be fulfilled too! The times that I get any are so few and far between that it was just my body saying "Ooo this feels good let's do it!!" The problem is that I'm not attracted to him at all. And I'm even starting to wonder why he's in my life. It's creating a bunch of unwanted drama and he as of late he's been treating me like shit. Marge said that eventually she just told him that she needed her space from him. Well, he's mad at me because I yelled at him tonight. He said that last semester when he told me to stay out of his life and that I should die he was totally justified. And I don't need that! I don't need him telling me that I'm worthless and that I don't matter. I'm better that that and I sure as hell don't deserve it. I know that I just need to pray about it and get my act together and just give myself some space from him.

Dustin and John broke up tonight and I took him out driving around for an hour or so. (I was way bummed out because there were a ton of people up in my room watching movies and I didn't want to leave [mostly because Isaac was here and he's like beyond hot!] and be a bad host) But Dusin needed me and I was there, before I left Mikey threw this mini-fit about how whenever Dustin calls I go running. And that really set me off! I'd take a bullet for Mikey! I love him more than he understands! And I don't get when he says things like that. I don't know if he's doing them for attention, I know we haven't seen a lot of each other this week, but he's in production and I've had performance week hell so it's been busy! I love all my friends and I'd do anything for them and I'd expect that they'd do the same for me. It's just frusturating! But whatever, I've got to get some sleep, I've got a performance at two today. ::sigh:: Happy Birthday Courtney.

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mind the gap