mind the gap

Please don't leave me!

Hearing: "True" Ryan Cabera
Wearing: Pink AE tee layered over a black one and denim
Feeling like: Climbing into bed and sleeping until I can't sleep anymore

Wednesday, Feb. 02, 2005

Here's a quick rundown of the past few days events:
~I'm almost positive that things are going to work out between the girls and I. I, as usual, was just being over-dramatic (I know what you're thinking: "Our little Courtney, over dramatic? Never!" But it's true!) I miss them and still need them! I know that on some level they still need me, but I still feel semi-replaced by Will.
~I got food poisning the other day and threw-up like ten times or so! It's sucks hard core! I'm better now, but my throat and chords are burned to hell!
~I need to stop wanting guys who are attached or emotionally unavailable. who? you ask. Let's take a quick trip back in time. Cameron: emotionally unavailable. Mikey: Gay, so that's a different story! Travis: just wanted to jump him, and did (twice! Yeah, at the last party at mike's for the semester he was there [with his girlfriend] and he pulled me into the laundry room and we just had at it for about thirty minutes! Yummy! By the way! This does not make me a whore, if a man is going to cheat, he's going to cheat. I did not seduce him, he came to me!) Isaac: emotionally unavailable. Will: emotionally unavailable, (and technically taken since everything I did was followed by an "Erica used to. . ." whatever!) See a pattern? So . . . there's a guy in the music department (that's a hands off warning in the first place!) and he's always flirting with me (and me with him because I can't help myself) and the boy is engaged! Like they've got a date picked out and everything! So I smile and enjoy the flirting and the attention and know that if he weren't attached and we did get together he'd just fuck me over anyway! Stupid boys! P.S. Thanks to one of the aforementioned men for teching me that men are shit and will use you for what they need and drop you as soon as something better comes along!
~I haven't cut since the other night, but I'm sure it will happen again!
~Twenty six days until I turn twenty one!
~Oh and my Junior recital is coming up on the 15th of April at 7:30! If possible you should all be there because it's going to be amazing if I do say so myself!
Okay, so that wasn't really quick but so be it! I leave you with this: The song that will always make me cry!
In every heart there is a room
a sanctuary safe and strong
to heal the wounds from lovers past until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
you answered me with no pretense
and still I feel I said too much my silence is my self defense
and every time I've held a rose, it seems I've only felt the thorns and so it goes and so it goes and you're the only one who knows.
But if my silence made you leave then that would be my worst mistake
so I will share this room with you and you can have this heart to break
and this is why my eyes are closed it's just as well for all I've seen and so it goes and so it goes and you're the only one who knows.
So I would choose to be with you that's if the choice were mine to make
but you can make decisions too and you can have this heart to break!

I always cried at this song before this past summer, now I cry even more! It still hurts, please tel me it's going to stop soon!

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mind the gap