mind the gap

Please don't leave me!

Hearing: Black polo and jeans
Wearing: Shopaholic Ties the Knot
Feeling like: Everytime I try to fly I fall

Sunday, Oct. 31, 2004

The Halloween party was Firday night. N, S, and W decorated the house up like none other and it was awesome. There weren't too many people that showed up, which was a good thing because I know N was freaking out a little about there being six million people at her house. The house didn't even get all that trashed. It smelled quite strongly of stale liquor yesterday but we got that cleaned up pretty easily.

As for me, I'm still trying really hard not to be paranoid about everything. But I'm still really afraid that things are going to get so much worse before they get better. Mostly because everything starts to get really good for a while and then it all comes crashing down around me. It's not fair. I'm sick of feeling like this! I want to go back to me! I want to go back to being there for my friends and trusting them. They have stuff they're dealing with and I want to be there for them and not so caught up in my own shit all the time.

Which brings me to another important question. . . Why, oh why am I so fucking dramatic? I just don't get it, as hard as I try not to be, I stop my self in situations and realize that I'm totally blowing things out of proportion. Grr. I just want to make things better for everyone and if I want that bad enough I should be able to get it done shouldn't I? There's a goal to work on.

I can't wait to get out of here on Friday.

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mind the gap