Please don't leave me!
Hearing: "Your Song" from Moulin RougeWearing: A little bit
Feeling like: How wonderful life is now you're in the world
Friday, Aug. 16, 2002
I hate this! There is nobody in my hall to talk to and it seems like everyone already has their friends. Why can't I just go out there and do it! What's wrong with me tonight? I don't get it!Why can't real life be like the movies. People in movies always know what to say and they always look their best and nobody ever treats them like garbage and totally disregards them!
I just don't get it! Grr! I want to meet people and I can't bring myself to do it! Maybe I wasn't meant for this, college I mean. And I know I'm being quick to judge because we haven't even started classes yet. I know that once class starts I'll get to know people and become Courtney the Great, out there talking to people becoming the social butterfly that I truly am. I don't know why I can't do that now. Maybe I'm just tired. I think my roomie is staying at her boyfriends tonight. I don't know. On the one hand I kind of hope she is and on the other hand I hope she stays here. I can't think. I just want my girls here. Actually I'd go for anyone that I know! If I'd have known that everybody was going to be gone I would have stayed with my parents in the hotel. Oh and I found out my roomie was the prom queen! I'm living with a freakin' prom queen! Even Ewen isn't making me feel better tonight. I really don't think I'm ready for this. I just don't, what if I can't handle it and end up like my mother doing secretarial work for the rest of my life? I'm so scared that this isn't going to work! I know I'm being a baby and I'm acting like a twelve year old but I just want to be with someone! Anyone, I just need to talk to someone! Even if it's about the damn weather! I hate it! I need social interaction! I don't know what to do! And out FIG leaders are supposed to give us some sort of information on the social that's going on tomorrow but mine hasn't been by to give me anything or let me know about it, I guess not though. I wan't planning on going to church on Sunday but I think I might need God really bad this weekend! It's really sad. Maybe I should just climb into bed and read until I fall asleep! Quiet hours start in 45 minutes. I could probably be asleep before then. And If my roommate ever comes back she'll know what a loser I am. Oh well, I guess I have to live with my loserness and deal with the fact that that is what I am.
And I was doing so well . . .
